You might think that telling your partner you don't like how you're being touched is simple. You just say it, right? "I don't like that."
Well, the reality is, speaking up about what you want or don't want during sex isn't always that simple. Many of us have learned that our partner's pleasure is more important than our own, that our sole role in sex is to satisfy our partner, or that asking for an adjustment would ruin the mood, or even be met with defensiveness. In fact, there are lots of reasons that it can be really difficult to tell your partner that you don't like how you're being touched. Most of the time, it doesn't feel as simple as just saying “I don’t like that.” So if you're having a hard time saying you don't like something, or telling your partner you want an adjustment, I have some strategies for you.
Here are eights ways to tell your partner you don't like how they're touching you.
“Stop.”
“This doesn’t feel very good on my ____.”
“Lets try something else.”
“It turns me on when you _____, want to do that?”
“I like when you move your ______ like ______.”
“It's so hot when you _____, can you do that instead?”
“Can you do that (slower, deeper, harder, softer, etc.)”?
“I love the way you are _____, can you do more of that?”