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How To Ask For Sex

Asking if someone wants to have sex with you can be vulnerable AF. You're opening yourself to rejection, you're talking about sex (a topic most of us learned specifically not to talk about), and you're telling someone how you feel about them. Some people find asking to have sex scary because they are worried they will come off as aggressive and they want to do it in the most respectful way possible. Many people, especially those who grew up in purity culture, learned that wanting, having, or initiating sex is dangerous. So it makes sense that asking someone if they want to have sex with you feels scary! If this is you— if you're wondering how to ask someone to have sex—I've got you covered.


Here are three ways to ask someone to have sex:

  1. Straight up ask them

In some people's minds, straight up asking for sex feels antithetical to being respectful. The truth is though, one of the best ways to ask to have sex is by directly saying it— "do you want to have sex with me?" Being direct and straight forward can be a major turn on for some people. Clearly asking also leaves less room for misinterpretation.


2. Text them about it


We already know that asking if someone wants to have sex can be intimidating. So if you're in this boat, find a way to make it less intimidating. For some people, communicating via text is less intimidating than have a face to face conversation. If texting is more comfortable for you— go for it! You can even have a conversation over text about the specific things each of you do and don't want to do, because remember, "sex" means different things to everyone.


3. Tell them you're nervous


If you're scared to ask someone to have sex, one of the best ways to break the ice is to tell them you're nervous. The reality is, sex is probably on their mind too and they're likely just as nervous to bring it up. So let them know— "I'm nervous to say this, but I really want to kiss you right now. Do you want to kiss me?"


4. Use one of these phrases


Sometimes it's hard to even think of the words to use to ask someone if they want to have sex. Here are seven phrases you can use to ask someone to have sex:

  1. Do you want to have sex with me?

  2. After our date tonight, do you think you will want to have sex?

  3. I'm really attracted to you. I'd love to lay in my bed, kiss each other, take each other's clothes off, and (insert name of sexual activity you want to do). What do you think of that?

  4. Do you want to go to the bedroom right now and have sex?

  5. I'm really horny, do you want to have sex?

  6. We've been on a few dates now and I feel ready to have sex together. How do you feel about having sex?

  7. I want to (lay out the details of what you want to do to the person). What do you think of that?

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